Photograph of John F. Kennedy looks amazingly like face on Mars

New photographic evidence of the fabled "Face" on Mars shows a remarkable likeness to the face of the late President John F. Kennedy.  "It's amazing!" said a highly placed source at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, CA.  "It makes you wonder."  One theory being circulated is that President Kennedy visited Mars in the hours following his death and the Martians put up the face as a memorial of that visit.  Another theory is that Martians came to earth centuries before, and because they can see the future, they returned to their planet and carved the Face in honor of what they saw coming on earth.  "Whatever happened," said the highly placed source, "the likeness has made us all speechless."

Area Dog Leads Secret Life as Cat

An area Border Collie named Sandy has been discovered leading a secret life as a White Burmese cat named Precious.  The discovery occurred around 2:00 am as Sandy was leaving Fancy Feast, a nightclub for the transpecies underground.  "It had to happen sometime," said Detective Sergeant Thomas Murphy of the Rahway police department.  "We're seeing this kind of thing more and more, but never like this." Neighbors were surprised to find out about the dog's secret life.  "She always kept to herself," one neighbor, Louise Willibrand, told reporters.  "We never suspected that she was doing anything like this."

The dog's family were not available for comment.
"What is this country coming to?" said Detective Murphy.

Increasing Concern over the Possibility that the growth in the number of Holocaust Deniers is a vast Jewish Conspiracy

Washington, DC.,  A highly placed source in the United States Congress expressed concern that the increasing number of Holocaust Deniers throughout the world may just be the tip of the iceberg.  "An army" the source said "of Holocaust Deniers is being readied throughout the world to create havoc at World War II memorial sites across Europe."

"This is absolutely false," said a spokesman for the National Association for the Advancement of Creative Paranoia.  "We have no plans whatsoever to attack these memorials, even though they are part of a vast conspiracy to defraud the American People and to promote a false history of the 20th Century led by the Jews and the Jesuits."

Others have claimed that the increase in Holocaust Deniers itself is part of a vast Jewish Conspiracy to dominate the world economy and to promote the ideals of the Tri-Lateral Commission.  "They're just sneaky enough to do it," said an unnamed source.

International Convention of Conspiracy Theorists Certain their President is an Alien

The Fourth International Convention of Conspiracy Theorists, meeting in the Hague, unanimously passed a resolution claiming that the President of the International Society of Conspiracy Theorists is an alien.  The President, Moon Hogwell, was unavailable for comment, though rumors that ran through the convention claimed that he had retired to his hotel room, concerned that the convention may actually be right, and if it were true, then he had no doubt that the government was behind it.

Meanwhile, representatives of various countries who backed the measure spoke out vigorously in support of the resolution, calling it a near certainty that Mr. Hogwell was from another planet.  "I mean," said Jotenheim Bruckner, a representative from Germany, "his name is 'Moon'.  Who but an alien has a name like that?"  When pressed, President Hogwell's press secretary only admitted that if the President was an alien, he most certainly was from a friendly planet that has no intention of invading earth and using its population as an alternate food source.  "At least not much," he said.

The European Union is looking into allegations that its central administration has been infiltrated by the first wave of invaders from the same world.  "We think it's that giant gas planet around Epsilon Eridani." said an unnamed government source attending the Convention, "but we're not certain."  We can only hope.